


First Christmas

by TheFreeJoker42



Series: Metsubojinrai.fam [2]
Category: Kamen Rider Zero One
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:28:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21818167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFreeJoker42/pseuds/TheFreeJoker42
Summary: Horobi was prepared to celebrate a human holiday if it made Jin happy
Series: Metsubojinrai.fam [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607857
Kudos: 21





	First Christmas

Jin had been much quieter recently. 

He'd withdrawn even from Horobi. He'd spend hours in silence staring at nothing, and in the rare occasions he did speak, his voice was monotonous. The usual joy in his expressions had been sucked out of him, leaving behind nothing but emptiness. 

The sudden mass of sparkly decorations and the array of decorated trees around Japan didn't go unnoticed. Nor the shrill giggles of children all rushing to sit in the lap of a bearded red-clad stranger. The atmosphere had changed dramatically, and Horobi found it truly unbearable. Everywhere he went was so loud. 

Some distance ahead, he could see a particular tree, very clearly made of plastic fibers, covered in what appeared to be dangling notes. A queue of people led up to the tree, all seeming less happy than those rushing around near them. A similar thing would happen each time. Someone would walk up to the tree, place the note on a branch, and walk away in tears. 

He felt a strange urge to inquire about it. 

He approached the woman handing out notes to the queue. "What is this?" 

"Well, Christmas is never easy if you've lost someone. This is a way to leave a message for your loved ones. Let them know you're thinking about them." 

He looked over to the tree, then back to the woman. "But they're dead." 

"Even if you don't believe in an afterlife, you might still find it helps. Everyone has something they wish they'd said, or didn't say, and... it can help get those things off your chest. Help let them go." 

She pressed a blank note into Horobi's hands. 

"Just consider it, okay?" She pat his arm. "I'm sorry for your loss." 

Horobi blinked, looking down at the note as the woman continued handing them out to the queue. 

"You know, I wasn't sure about it either." 

Horobi looked up to find an elderly woman speaking to him. She had two notes in her hand, written all over, front and back. 

"I had two kids, twins." Her thumb stroked the notes. "When Mika died on Christmas eve, Ami came straight here. I thought it was a waste of time, and a little impersonal don't you think? But she came here every year without fail, until she passed. So I came last year, on behalf of Ami, and it felt like a giant weight had been lifted, you know? Christmas is a difficult time for a lot of people." She reached for Horobi's hand. "We all have to learn how to deal with it in our own way. Something like this, it helps. Helps you to celebrate Christmas without the guilt, and with the memory of your loved ones. Moving on and letting yourself enjoy the day doesn't mean you've forgotten. And losing someone doesn't mean you aren't allowed a nice Christmas. However you decide to commemorate your loved ones, promise yourself not to let it cloud your day. We all deserve a treat every now and then." 

"Why do you think I lost someone?" 

"Call it a mother's intuition." 

Horobi was silent for a moment, watching people hang their notes, before pulling his hands away from the woman and turning around sharply, walking away. 

He found Jin outside, throwing rocks into the water. He'd long since stopped trying to skim them, instead simply launching them with as much force as he could. 

"Jin, come inside." 

"I'm busy." He snapped, throwing another rock even harder. 

"Jin. Come inside." 

Jin huffed, throwing his last rock on the ground. "Fine." 

Horobi walked quietly inside, Jin reluctantly following. He hated it inside. It was so dark and quiet now, the silence was suffocating. At least while he was outside, he could pretend his brothers were just elsewhere. Inside, he had to face the reality that they were gone. But once he'd reached their main room, he was taken back. Along the walls hung small blinking lights, with a bare tree in the corner. The orb of light on the table was accompanied with candles, and a single sparkly star hung from the ceiling. His eyes lit up. 

"What happened? Why is there a tree inside?" He rushed straight to it, feeling the branches, before his attention fell on the box beside it. He sat on the floor, routing through the tangled lights and strings of sparkles and glitter. "What are these?" 

"Christmas." Horobi replied simply. 

Within mere seconds, Jin was tangled in the string of lights, with glitter in his hair. "What's that?" 

"Jin, the lights are meant for the tree, not you." 

Jin gasped. "Are we decorating the tree?" He tried to pull the lights off him, but that just resulted in him getting even more tangled in them. 

"Keep still." Horobi said, removing the lights from Jin, and brushing the glitter off his hair while he giggled. 

"It's fun being a tree." 

Horobi gave the lights to Jin. 

"Wait, what's it supposed to look like? How do I know I'm doing it right?" 

"There is no correct way to decorate a tree. Do what you think looks best." 

"Okay, but you have to do it too!" Jin reached down into the box, and handed some tinsel to Horobi, who took it reluctantly, awkwardly draping in his hands. 

Jin took great care in wrapping the lights around the tree, stepping back to observe it, and adjusting it in places it didn't look right. Horobi was less purposeful in where he placed the tinsel, honestly just wanting it out of his hands as quickly as possible. But Jin didn't seem to care, digging through the box for more decorations and holding up two baubles, one pink and one purple. 

"Look! Pink and purple, like us!" He passed the purple bauble to Horobi. 

"So they are." 

"We need to put them together, like us, right? We're always together, so they should be too." He placed his pink bauble high on the tree, waiting for Horobi to do the same. 

"Jin..." 

"We'll be together forever, right Horobi?" 

Horobi placed the purple bauble on the branch next to the pink, before picking up the packet of colourful tanzaku. "Jin, I know you're upset-" 

"I'm not upset! Who said I was upset? HumaGears don't get upset." 

"You miss Ansatsu and Ikazuchi. I understand Christmas is a time for family, so I thought perhaps you'd like to write a message for them." 

"But... they're gone, how can I do that?" 

Horobi was silent for a moment. He realised he didn't know how it was supposed to work, why it was supposed to help. What it was all for. Perhaps it _was_ a waste of time. But if it helped his son, it was worth a try. 

"Perhaps, if you hang a message for them on the tree, it can feel as though they're here with us." 

Jin fiddled with the tanzaku now in his hands, staring down at nothing in particular. "What am I supposed to write?" 

"Anything. Anything you want to say, or wish you had said. Now you can say it." He handed Jin a pen. "If you'd like to." 

"Will you?" 

Horobi fell silent again. What did he have to say? He couldn't think of a single word. Still, something within Jin's tearful eyes told him he should. 

"Of course." 

Jin took his time writing his messages, while Horobi spent more time thinking. Eventually, he settled on just four words. Four words each, the same four words. Words he'd never spoken aloud before. They hung the tanzaku below their own two baubles. 

Jin's hands hovered over the tanzaku he'd placed for a moment, almost reluctant to let them go, before finally stepping back with a sniff. "What now?" 

"We finish decorating. We have an entire box to get through." 

Jin nodded, and resumed decorating the tree, while Horobi stood back and watched. He couldn't tell if it had helped. Jin seemed to be decorating with a smile, so perhaps it had. Or perhaps the smile was forced, Horobi couldn't tell. He could feel his own chest aching a little, having their hideout covered in reminders of humanity was less than desirable, but perhaps it wasn't so bad if it made Jin smile. Besides, it was just the one holiday. That was all. It wasn't as though they were becoming human sympathisers or anything. 

The messages had affected Horobi more than he expected, with the burning desire to speak them aloud to his last remaining son, while he still had the chance. 

"Jin." 

"Hm?" 

"... I'm proud of you." 

**Author's Note:**

> I lost my grandad the day before New Year's Eve last year, and there was a memorial recently where we could write a message to our late loved ones and hang them on a Christmas tree. I'm not a religious person, but being able to get that message off my chest really helped. I'd been living with guilt all year and with that, I was finally able to let it go. I thought it would be nice for Jin to do the same. Christmas means different things to different people, and to me it will always be the last time I saw my grandad. So I wanted to write a nice Christmas fic with Metsubojinrai.fam with my own new perspective of the day.
> 
> At first I thought I was just being naturally angsty, but I realised writing this that it was actually really helpful and makes myself feel a little better


End file.
